Sunday January 13th, Feast of the Holy Family Extraordinary Form.
In today’s Gospel we can wonder how it would be possible for Mary and Joseph to lose Jesus. The answer actually leads us to a deeper understanding of what a healthy family structure in society should look like. And since family is the very foundation of society, and is the domestic Church, its important grow in our understanding of what a healthy family structure should look like.
In the time of Jesus, Mary and Joseph the family in the nation of Israel was understood in a very different way than we understand family today. Family in the
time of the Holy Family was understood in a much broader way. Family was understood in a tribal way. Family was much more than just mom, dad and the kids; family was understood as the whole tribe.
One’s family was made up of aunts, uncles and cousins. In fact in the time of Jesus the Hebrew language didn’t even have a word for cousins; One cousins were considered one’s brother and sisters; hence, the “brothers and sisters” of the Lord. The notion of family also went beyond those who were alive at the time. Family included one’s anscestors and one’s progeny. Members of the family always acted in a way not to bring shame on the ancestors; and actions were measured on how they would affect the members of the family to be born.
Jesus was then able to be lost because Mary and Joseph just assumed he was with the other members of the family; his brothers and sisters, that is the cousins and the rest of the tribe. This tribal notion of family is actually the healthest family structure there is; and societies with this type of stucture are healthy societies. When society starts to fail it is because the tribal family begins to fail. Good Socialogists tell us that the beginning of this failure is for the family to move from a tribal family to a nuclear family structure; that is, to an idea of family merely as mom, dad and the kids; yes cousins and aunts and uncles are there but not they are seperated into their own nuclear family.
History has proven time and time again that once the family becomes a nuclear family it’s only short matter of time before the family collaspes even further. And the last step before the complete breakdown of society is the atomistic family. In this last death gasp of society family becomes merely something for the children to break free of. Mom and dad, especially the dad, are seen as idiots. Children must then break free of such a oppresive structure. Eventually the state tries to take over, even by force, the authority of mom and dad and so the raising and rearing of the children in order to be proper citizens-comrades, party members.
How do we reverse this breakdown of the family structure and so the breakdown of our society that we are witnessing in our own day. Surely now families are more and more moving from the nuclear family to the atomistic family structure (we see this on television-comercials; homor Simpon-dad is portrayed as an idiot and mom not much better. Its clear that in our socity the tribal notion of family died long ago. The Holy Family, of Jesus, Mary and Joseph gives us the lessons and so the answers we need to strengthen our families.
The first lesson and the first in order of importance is that both Our Lady and St. Joseph were open to God's grace and direction in their lives to make everything work out. The Holy Family was a family of prayer, they put the first commandment first--to Love God first and foremost in everything they did. As is always the case with any family “the family the prays together stays together.”
In our age, only families that pray together will survive. Prayer helps the family have a proper order; that is, God and His Will first and foremost in the family’s daily life. By this proper ordering, the husband and wife will have and maintain the mutual respect toward one another and pass this on to their children. The Holy family will help us to pray, to allow our families to enter into a deep union with them and with the child Jesus.
And if this deep union with Jesus is too take place the family must more fully partack of the sacraments of the Church, especially the Holy Eucharist and confession. However, it is confession that I would like to speak on today. As with prayer, couples can only be open to God’s grace and direction in their lives if they are in a state of grace. They realized their failings in loving God and in loving each other and their children and this leads them to seek Gods forgiveness in the Sacrament of forgiveness- confession. Receiving God’s mercy, his forgiveness, his healing, and his grace and help, allows them to forgive each other and themselves for their sins and failures in the family life. A priest must encourage every couple to receive the sacrament of penance, or reconciliation, before their wedding and many, many times after.
How many couples today, because they do not bother with this sacrament of forgiveness, are in mortal sin, beginning on their wedding day; they receive a sacrilegious communion at their wedding Mass; and they go right on for years in mortal sin -- right to the divorce court. They have put up a barrier to God's grace in their individual lives and in their marriage. It is a legal marriage, it is a sacrament, but they don't let Christ work with them. Is it any wonder so many, even "Catholic," marriages are destined to failure, because the door to that marriage is closed to Jesus Christ. Individuals as well as married couples and their children will only be able to practice forgiving one another to the extent they participate in receiving the forgiveness of God in the Sacrament of Confession. Our families are not sinless like the Holy Family, therefore our family life needs the gift of forgiving one another to survive.
The second lesson husbands and wives can learn from Our Lady and St. Joseph, is that of sacrifice for one another and to God in obedience. Neither one of them was forced to go along with God's plan for our redemption; they were obedient to God’s will and law as seen in their going to Jerusalem to fulfill the prescripts of the law. Once they were married, their lives changed drastically. But they were willing to make the sacrifices for one another, and defer to one another when necessary, to make their life together work successfully-they loved and obeyed God and one another.
Too often today, couples don't seem to realize that when they marry, they are called to sacrifice their individual lives, for the good of their relationship and for the good of the family. That's sacrifice for that person were supposed to love more than anyone else. If a person is not willing to make that sacrifice, and many other sacrifices over the years for that other person, a marriage and a family is going to have a lot of difficulties.
And this common life they are undertaking includes children. The couple must sacrifice their individual lives for the sake of children. They must first sacrifice their own desires and wants and be open to all the children that God wishes to bless them with. Marriage was given to us by God, to share in his own life giving love, his own fruitfulness; it is done in obedience with love. Jesus was the center of Mary and Joseph’s lives. Couples that adopt a contraceptive mentality can only damaged themselves individually and collectively by their unwillingness to sacrifice themselves for the sake of children. The contraceptive mentality leads to divorce and family problems and breakups and the contraceptive mentality if it is not reversed, it will go down in history as the cause of the collaspe of Western Civilization.
Finally, St. Joseph and Our Lady must have been each other's best friend. He refused to turn her over to be stoned for adultery. They shared the greatest secret the world has ever known, just between themselves for many years. They were able to wander around Palestine and Egypt alone with their Child for a long time. They were happy to "make do" with what they had, and together be able to adapt to any circumstance. They actually liked one another.
Too often, in marriages based upon romance, when the initial passion fades, the couple realizes that they neither know each other very well, nor like each other very much. Marry your best friend. When a husband and wife are best friends, they are content with one another, and are able to excuse one another's shortcomings and faults. If that marital friendship ever breaks apart, there is still the possibility that it can be repaired, because the foundation upon which that friendship was based is still there. Lots of times best friends fight, sometimes they get so angry with one another that they quit being friends for a time. But if there was once a foundation of friendship, there is always hope for reconciliation. And if a married couple realizes they are not best friends, and never were, with God's grace, and some work on their part, they can learn to become best friends.
And speaking of friendship brings up another point with regards to children. Jesus was obedient to Joseph and Mary. The Son of God became humble and obedient to the very creatures he created, because they were His parents. While husband and wives need to base their relationship on friendship, their relationship with their children must be different. Parents cannot be their children’s friends--their equals, they must be their parents. Children can never repay their parents back for the gift of life and all the sacrifices the parents make for the children, and because of this the children owe their parents respect and admiration. They must learn from Jesus who did not put himself equal with His parents, he was obedient.
But as with the relationship between the husband and wife is nourished by all the things I have already said, so the relationship between the parents and the children must be based on love and mutual respect and be nourished by prayer together and seeking out God’s forgiveness.
While we have much more to learn from the Holy Family these are just a few points although very important ones at that. Openness to God grace through prayer, especially prayer together as a family and confession, Love for each other that demands sacrifice, friendship of the couple with each other, but not with their children in the same sense, these are the lessons we learn today from that very human couple we know as Our Lady and St. Joseph. May their example keep our families strong.
Holy Mary, St. Joseph, pray for us, pray for our families. Child Jesus help us to love you more so that we can love each other more.
(This homily is greatly indebted to Msgr. Petty, R.I.P.)
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